Good joke...
#1
05-14-2008, 01:06 PM
Good joke...
I got this in an e-mail today and I got tickled about it, so I just had to share it with you guys!
According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips on the
mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine all the yawns from the little princesses). To demonstrate how difficult it had be! en to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers .. and then there are educators.
According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips on the
mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine all the yawns from the little princesses). To demonstrate how difficult it had be! en to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers .. and then there are educators.
#5
05-19-2008, 04:26 PM
RE: Good joke...
Yeah I thought it was hilarious when I read it. I got another good one today.[/align][/align][/align][/align][/align][/align]A brash young man strolls into a bar and takes a seat next to a stunningly
attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his
watch for a moment.[/align][/align]The woman notices this and asks, 'Your date running late?'[/align][/align]'No, no...', he replies, 'I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I
was just testing it.'[/align][/align]The woman, intrigued, asks: 'Wow! A state-of-the-art watch? So, what's
special about it?'[/align][/align]'Well, it uses ultrasonic waves to telepathically talk to me,' he explains.[/align][/align]'Interesting...so what's it telling you now?'[/align][/align]'Well, it says you're not wearing any panties...'[/align][/align]The woman giggles and replies, 'Well it must be broken then because I am
wearing panties!'[/align][/align]The man explains, 'Damn thing must be an hour fast!'[/align]
attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his
watch for a moment.[/align][/align]The woman notices this and asks, 'Your date running late?'[/align][/align]'No, no...', he replies, 'I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I
was just testing it.'[/align][/align]The woman, intrigued, asks: 'Wow! A state-of-the-art watch? So, what's
special about it?'[/align][/align]'Well, it uses ultrasonic waves to telepathically talk to me,' he explains.[/align][/align]'Interesting...so what's it telling you now?'[/align][/align]'Well, it says you're not wearing any panties...'[/align][/align]The woman giggles and replies, 'Well it must be broken then because I am
wearing panties!'[/align][/align]The man explains, 'Damn thing must be an hour fast!'[/align]
#6
05-21-2008, 01:11 PM
RE: Good joke...
I would like to say that I have used that line. It worked, and as a result I got to play a quick game of hide the salami at the Woodland Park Zoo.
Who says women aren't easy?
Who says women aren't easy?
#8
05-21-2008, 04:02 PM
RE: Good joke..?
The vast majority of my jokes aren't really good to just lay out and let people read them. They're quite offensive and taken the wrong way people might start to think I'm a sexist/racist/ whatever-ist....etc.
Tempura House = A Shelter for Lightly Battered Women.
Q: Why are womens' feet usually shorter than mens'?
A: Evolution. So that they can stand closer to the stove.
Q: How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower?
A: Hand the bitch a shovel.
Q: What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing you aint told her twice already!
Oh I have more....
Tempura House = A Shelter for Lightly Battered Women.
Q: Why are womens' feet usually shorter than mens'?
A: Evolution. So that they can stand closer to the stove.
Q: How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower?
A: Hand the bitch a shovel.
Q: What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing you aint told her twice already!
Oh I have more....
#9
05-21-2008, 04:22 PM
RE: Good joke..?
One day a platoon of Army soldiers are on patrol when they come upon a Marine relaxing on top of a small hill. The Marine puts his hands on his hips and screams out, "Do any of you Army pussies think you're
man enough to take me on?"
The biggest soldier comes running up the hill, screaming up at the
Marine. When he gets to the top he simply plows into his foe and the
two tumble down the other side of the hill, out of sight. There is the
sound of a horrendous fight for a moment or two, and then all is
quiet. Soon, the Marine reappears, quite untouched. He puts his hands
on his hips and sneers, "Well, looks to me like one of you couldn't do
it, how about the rest?"
The enraged platoon leader sends his entire platoon (30+men)
charging after the Marine. They all go tumbling down the far side of
the hill. After 15 minutes of screaming and yelling and cursing a
lone, bloodied soldier crawls over the top of the hill. The platoon
leader yells up to his man, "What's going on up there?" The wounded
soldier, with his last bit of breath, replies, "Sir, it's a... a trap,
sir. There are two of them!"
man enough to take me on?"
The biggest soldier comes running up the hill, screaming up at the
Marine. When he gets to the top he simply plows into his foe and the
two tumble down the other side of the hill, out of sight. There is the
sound of a horrendous fight for a moment or two, and then all is
quiet. Soon, the Marine reappears, quite untouched. He puts his hands
on his hips and sneers, "Well, looks to me like one of you couldn't do
it, how about the rest?"
The enraged platoon leader sends his entire platoon (30+men)
charging after the Marine. They all go tumbling down the far side of
the hill. After 15 minutes of screaming and yelling and cursing a
lone, bloodied soldier crawls over the top of the hill. The platoon
leader yells up to his man, "What's going on up there?" The wounded
soldier, with his last bit of breath, replies, "Sir, it's a... a trap,
sir. There are two of them!"
#10
05-21-2008, 04:23 PM
RE: Good joke..?
CHP vs. USMC
Top this for a speeding ticket
Two California Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on I-15, just north of the Marine Corps Air Station at Miramar. One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to check speeding vehicles approaching the crest of a hill.
The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour. The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and then turned off.
Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact locked on to a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low flying exercise near the location.
Back at the CHP Headquarters the Patrol Captain fired off a
complaint to the USMC Base Commander. The reply came back in true USMC style: Thank you for your letter. We can now complete the file on this incident. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked onto, your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it, which is why it shut down.
Furthermore, an Air-to-Ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft had also automatically locked on to your equipment location.
Fortunately, the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the
situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert status and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was launched to destroy the hostile radar position.
The pilot also suggests you cover your mouths when cussing at them, since the video systems on these jets are very high tech. Sergeant Johnson, the officer holding the radar gun, should get his dentist to check his left rear molar. It appears the filling is loose. Also, the snap is broken on his holster.
Thank you for your concern. Semper Fi."
Top this for a speeding ticket
Two California Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on I-15, just north of the Marine Corps Air Station at Miramar. One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to check speeding vehicles approaching the crest of a hill.
The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour. The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and then turned off.
Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact locked on to a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low flying exercise near the location.
Back at the CHP Headquarters the Patrol Captain fired off a
complaint to the USMC Base Commander. The reply came back in true USMC style: Thank you for your letter. We can now complete the file on this incident. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked onto, your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it, which is why it shut down.
Furthermore, an Air-to-Ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft had also automatically locked on to your equipment location.
Fortunately, the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the
situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert status and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was launched to destroy the hostile radar position.
The pilot also suggests you cover your mouths when cussing at them, since the video systems on these jets are very high tech. Sergeant Johnson, the officer holding the radar gun, should get his dentist to check his left rear molar. It appears the filling is loose. Also, the snap is broken on his holster.
Thank you for your concern. Semper Fi."