OFFICIAL JOKE THREAD! Post your Jokes!
Beginner
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 5
Once there were four business men. They were sitting on a bench in a hospital waiting room because their wives were having babies.
A nurse comes over and says to the first businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had 1 baby."
The man says, "What a coincidence! I'm the president of And1!"
The nurse goes away.
Then the nurse comes back and says to the second businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had twins!"
The man says, "What a coincidence! I'm the owner of the Minnesota Twins!"
The nurse goes away.
The nurse comes back and says to the third businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had triplets!"
The man says, "What a coincidence! I work for Triple Crown!"
The nurse goes away.
The nurse comes back and sees the fourth businessman alone on the bench crying.
She asks, "Why are you crying"?
The man replies, "I work for Seven Up"!!
A nurse comes over and says to the first businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had 1 baby."
The man says, "What a coincidence! I'm the president of And1!"
The nurse goes away.
Then the nurse comes back and says to the second businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had twins!"
The man says, "What a coincidence! I'm the owner of the Minnesota Twins!"
The nurse goes away.
The nurse comes back and says to the third businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had triplets!"
The man says, "What a coincidence! I work for Triple Crown!"
The nurse goes away.
The nurse comes back and sees the fourth businessman alone on the bench crying.
She asks, "Why are you crying"?
The man replies, "I work for Seven Up"!!
Beginner
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 5
From: Hampton Roads VA
In the beginning it was God and Adam and God knew that man shouldn't be alone so He decided to talk to Adam about this great idea. This is the conversation...
God: Hey Adam my only human, hows it goin?
Adam: Good I guess.
God: I've got this great idea and I want to give you a wife. This woman will do everything for you. She will clean, she will fix all your meals just the way you want them, she will give you pleasure anytime you want and will never nag, groan, or just make any negative comments whatsoever. What do you think?
Adam: Sounds awesome! Is there anything you need from me?
God: Well it will cost you an arm, an ear, a leg, and 5 ribs.
Adam: Gee, well she did sound pretty great but uh what can I get with just giving you 1 rib?
And then life with women began.
God: Hey Adam my only human, hows it goin?
Adam: Good I guess.
God: I've got this great idea and I want to give you a wife. This woman will do everything for you. She will clean, she will fix all your meals just the way you want them, she will give you pleasure anytime you want and will never nag, groan, or just make any negative comments whatsoever. What do you think?
Adam: Sounds awesome! Is there anything you need from me?
God: Well it will cost you an arm, an ear, a leg, and 5 ribs.
Adam: Gee, well she did sound pretty great but uh what can I get with just giving you 1 rib?
And then life with women began.
Beginner
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 1
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running
boards."
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running Boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"
"No," the cook said, "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."
"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?' 'Eight', the boy replied.
The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?' The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four.
We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike.
Right now, he can't do none of those'.
boards."
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running Boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"
"No," the cook said, "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."
"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?' 'Eight', the boy replied.
The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?' The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four.
We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike.
Right now, he can't do none of those'.
these two made me laugh!
Beginner
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 12
A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.
One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"
"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."
One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"
"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."
Last edited by Model260GD; Dec 15, 2014 at 12:38 AM.
Beginner
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 14
After GOD made Adam he looked at his creation and thought to himself ''Maybe I can do better'' so he ripped a rib from Adams side and Shazam made Eve. He looked at her, then took a step back, then took an other step back, then shook his head and said '' Ah she'll wear make-up''
